These Are The Things My Father Would Have Told Me Now That He’s Gone

A Tribute to My Father’s Sacrifice

We all wish we had more time, especially when we are trying to understand how quickly time passes. But time waits for no one. I hardly go a day without thinking about the little moments and memories we shared. My first experience at A-Life Shopping Centre when I was seven years old was with you. If you never lived in Teshie or Nungua in the 90s, you probably will not understand what that meant to me.

The truth does not change because of how we see things. Death is something we cannot avoid, and life after death is an even greater mystery. Words are powerful, especially when they come from someone you love and respect. Many fathers have passed away, and many more will pass away in the future. Mine was no exception. He is now among those who have gone before us. He died after a short illness that lasted about four months. It was a terrible experience. I watched a strong man slowly become weak, almost like a newborn child learning to take his first steps.

During my last moments with him, before he passed away, I listened carefully to the few words he said to me.

“I married a good woman,” he said.

That woman took me in and cared for me like her own child. Through all the sleepless nights at the hospital, she was there for me. I believe, and God knows, that my father would have said much more to me if he had more time. But his silence also spoke to me. God! I could almost hear everything he wanted to say.

He would have said: “Life is a sacrifice, son.”

I never cried when my father died. It was not because I was careless or did not love him. I remember crying while watching The Pursuit of Happiness when I was in my late teens or early twenties. Maybe the tears were there, but I was crying inside. I wrote the tribute from the children and chose my little brother to read it on the day of the burial. I cannot explain what happened to me about two paragraphs into the reading. I suddenly started crying.

Then I saw the word “sacrifice.”

That was it. That word broke me. My father was the true meaning of sacrifice. His whole life was a sacrifice for us. Even people around him could not hide how much he had done for them. Some even honoured him by naming their children after him.

He would also have said: “Junior, work is life.”

I used to believe that work was mainly about doing what you love and doing it with passion. If my father were still here, he would probably tell me, “You’ve got it wrong. Whatever needs to be done must be done.”

Many of us, myself included, are afraid of getting our hands dirty. We sometimes look down on certain jobs. But any man who works hard to take care of his family deserves respect, no matter what job he does. At the end of the day, he is doing something to keep his family going. That is what work is about.

He would also say: “Don’t retire from work just to sit at home. Work until you retire to the grave.”

That is exactly what he did. When things became difficult, I watched an engineer turn his car into a taxi and drive it himself just to make money to take care of his family.

Then there was another lesson: “Never give up. Always keep pushing.”

During his days as a taxi driver, he once came home looking very depressed. This was a man who could crack jokes even when he was in pain on his sick bed, so seeing him like that meant something was seriously wrong. I asked him what had happened. He said:

Son, I was attacked today. Some passengers I picked stole all the money I had made. But I will not give up. I will try again tomorrow.

It was a sad evening for me. But the next morning, I saw him smiling again, ready to face the day. That lesson has stayed with me until today. Seven months after his funeral, I found myself in a similar situation. I was between jobs and unsure of what would happen next. But his words stayed with me. They pushed me to keep going and find my way back. My father also did not live long enough to see me get married.

He would have said: “Son, marry a good woman like I did!”

I am not sure what those words would have meant to me if he had said them earlier. But today, I understand what he meant by a good woman. My mother became my father’s mother, just as I mentioned earlier. Most men, including me, may not like to think about such things. But when you become seriously ill, you begin to see things differently. At such a time, you would even want your wife to care for you like your grandmother would. Women can do so much. And during difficult times, they often show even greater strength.

We look to women to bring new life into this world through the pain and struggle of childbirth. That does not mean men have no role to play. But women carry and nurture life in a special way. To me, that is part of what it means to be a good woman. Some people may disagree with me, and that is fine. It is simply how I see it. Even better, we can look at Proverbs 31:10–31 for guidance on the qualities of a good woman.

Today, I am married to a good woman. It has been almost ten (10) years since you left us, and these are the first words you have spoken to me in my heart. I will write down the rest another day. We will never forget you or the memories you left behind.

And on every Father’s Day, I remember you and say:

There is no father like you.

Tribute Written by:
Kweku Erasor